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daevid allen

It was a dark & stormy night…

July 2005

It was a dark & stormy night…

I woke & it was pitch black yep
NO light!
Power lines down everywhere
& lightnin strikes & thunder in the air!
But even louder on my roof than
Chai-tent drummers,
Was the pelting pouring roaring rain. Great Sacred Plumbers!

Turn off the Rain Goddess at the mains
O Holy Electrician
with yr electronic brains
Bring back the power
to this humble musician!

Bring me light to reveal
these weather conditions…
For I live twixt a river
& the great pacific ocean
on a glorified sandbar
a heavenly creation in a perilous position
-as the history of new brighton shows-
when the rain buckets down
& hurricanes blow
such a village can vanish
leaving nothing to show

Such a hamlet can vanish!!
It's happened before
just a mile up the coast
Now theres only sea shells
and a virgin sea shore
where the old folk dont talk
bout those ghosts any more.

But this night was too dark
& no lights could I find
so I felt long the passage
as tho I was blind

Then I crept down the stairs
reaching down with me toes
down there to where
my front door was, below..
and felt cold water creeping up!

It was the flood!

the house was surrounded
with water & mud…

I climbed back upstairs & you know wot I did…

I dived down deep
under my doona & hid

& I dreamed I was sailing
on wild windy seas

I was olde captain ratshit
on a boat made of cheese
& a whale came beside me with eyes filled with tears
it wept norwegian promises
& japanese beer
& sang japanese childrens songs
while chewing their ears
but then I AWOKE
to find dim light appearing
but the thunder was loud
& the rain was still pouring
& lightning still crackled
thru a scary grey morning

BUT I leapt out of bed shoutin
I'M CAPTAIN GOAT
& now I've decided
THIS HOUSE IS A BOAT!
draw anchor! drop moorings!
We're off out to sea, Sir!

We're needed by whales
to fight Norwegian geysers
We'll scupper their whalers
& they can explain
to the dolphins in dolphinspeak
why they're insane

Let them plead
Let them grovel
till they yell:
"Fer fucks sake, dear!"
Till the wise old whale answers
by quoting from Shakespeare.
(Well…)

I was bout to set sail
when up jumps the bosun
Sez: "Captain! I beg thee Sir!
Check yonder ocean!"
For its motion was wild
it was breaching the dunes
& the waves were all rippling
& scribbling wild tunes
& the lightning was scrabbling
& the thunder was crashing

To the back of my house
was a wild river rushing
To the front of my house there was sloshing & splashing
& a car floated past
where once was the road
& barely the top of its
windshield still showed.

So then out on the veranda
I stepped with aplomb
& slipped on the boards
& fell flat on my bum.

So rude was my wakening then
out of my dream
I suddenly realised that I was alone!

Where were my neighbours?
No person in sight!
Just dark empty houses!
No movement. No lights.
Maybe theyd been saved
in the dead of the night
& I'd been forgotten
yeah that'd be right…
(when your out of yr mind mate
you're out of their sight)

& I looked at me stairs
& the flood was still rising
just water wild water right to the horizon
tho you may think I'm nuts
you rarely avoid -
telling ME that you THINK
I'm a TOUCH paranoid

Well.. your probably right
cuz right then - with a torch!
My neighbour "Brownrice"
stepped out on to his porch

"Ahoy there!" I cried.
"tis ruff weather abroad!"
He sez:
"Yeah mate. The surfs up!
I'm out on me board!"

& he leaps in the current
with a song on his lips
& goes paddlin outa sight
stoned off his tits!

When the rain gods saw this
They thought: May'z'well give up!!
So the rain it stopped raining &
The clouds grew less dark
& the boats came out floatin
where once was the park
& some folks were rescued
from houses low down /by bright yellow boats full of beaut blokes from town.

Now the water'd stopped rising
so the parties began
"Fuck the house & the car & the plastic stuff man!

I'm happy as larry & I dunno why
I'll just have
one more stubby of
Light Extra Dry

Its much worse than the mothers day flood so they say
But y know all my worries are floatin away..!"

Well…
The chopper came down on the oval
next day
It was still pretty muddy
But the flood'd gone away
& who should pop out of the copter now: guess…
two cameras, four minders &
Bob Carr no less…

Our chief polly trickster stepped down the ol' thief
& says: "National disaster friends!
We'll bring relief!
Tho you may say developers
that I gave permission
to fill up the flood plains
create your condition,

We'll buy you new TVs
& more plastic stuff
to top up your amnesia,
Is too much enough??

Don't forget the elections,
You blokes in yr boats.
As the coastline caves in
& the desert she roasts.

I bought you your extra dry
GIVE ME YOUR VOTE"

Well, we stood there & stared
As he rose in the air
The propellors they spun
& he figured he'd won
But we fingered the prick
& were all laughing still.

It was New Brighton: SIX;--(pack:-)
Politics: NIL!

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