Encounter with Witches as Objects
daevid allen

part 1

ONCE upon a HORNY MOON I was WOBBLY KNEED
and pumped up like a BALOONATIC
MAY the GODDESS SWELP ME thus I cried and
FLOUNDERED ABOUT looking for a SCRATCHY VELVET
PELT to perfume my TAKEN BREATH.
BUT THEN -  all of a SUDDENLY
   YIKES and a GHOST! I was AGHAST!!
THERE SHE WAS - BACK from my CAVERNOUS
PAST like an ECHO in an OSTRICH BELLY.
ITS TRUE!! THERE WAS A VERY LONG WAY
TO GO to be MEETING MYSELF COMING THE
OTHER WAY....
      SO WHAT SHOULD I DO?
      WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
         3 OPTIONS
(1) Run Randily forward with tattered jockeys
   collapsing around the ANKLES
(2) CATCH A TAXI TO PERI-PLAXI
(3)  Render MYSELF INVISIBLE but in the
   eyes of GNOMES

well.. I TOOK OPTION NUM. UNO
      i RAN RANDILY FORWARD...

AND SHE RUSHED TOWARDS ME TOO
   BUT SUCH A GREAT IT WAS THAT
I RUSHED TOWARDS HER TOO
      (repeat)
    -----------
      Teashop
    -----------
I RUSHED TOWARDS HER TOO
      (repeat)
TIL FINALLY IN EARSHOT I COULD HEAR HER VOICE
"Yea O Yo Yo!" I CRIED ENTHUSUASTICALLY TESTACULAR
"Where! SRI CAPUCCINO LONGFELLO
   MY GAGA GURU" she SANG in a WHOLESOKE VICE
         SO
Jamming on the BRAKES
   i ignored the VERSES | BRIDGE | & CHORUS
         &
      STOPPED DED IN MY TRACKS
DO NOT GO INCONSEQUENTIAL IN[TO] THIS GOOD LIGHT
      I cried
ON YOUR BACK AND THINK OF FINLAND!!
   ...well it was worth a TRY...
      AND GUESS WOT!?
         IT WORKED
         ---------
Le GOOD witch YONI has not passed by HERE
      ...YET... I OBSERVED!
         SO...

THROWING MYSELF INTO THE GREYHOUND
   TERMINAL POSITION I THEN
   NOTICED SOMETHING QUITE ALARMING
she was GETTING LARGER AND LARGER AND LAR
   BLow me down with the WEATHER if she DID NOT
   Become a GIANT BAKED BEING.
Larger & Larger & Lager & Lager & Lager & Lime
I SLOWLY SLIPPED BACK on that FLESH COLOURED SLIME
      TIL WITH A BUMP & A THUMPIT
   I CONFRONTED HER ENORMOUSLY
      HOT BUTTERED CRUMPET
   which OPENED DELIGHTFULLY WITH A
   Single PULL of the PUBICK DOORBELL
         SO
   INWARDS & UPWARDS
      WENT I & FOUND MYS ELVES
IN AN ENO-ORMOUS CAVERN....
..IN THE MIDDLE OF WHICH A SINGLE (SOMEWHOT
AQUALINE) HUMAN HEAD SWAYED
SINUOUSLY ON A LONG SERPENTINE NECK.
*staring me in the THIRD EYE it SPOKE:
WHAT IS THE SECRET SiGNNN iT SAiD WORDLESSLY.
   * DO THE SIGN
SO PISS PLEESE PISS PASS ON TO THE BLADDER LADDER
      BUT I MUST HAVE MISSED THIS
         FOR
I CAME TO A BRIDGE OVER THE RIVER QUIM
& in the middle of the BRIFDGE -> AN OLD MAN ->
TELL ME A STORY. I ASKED

and so the STORY BEGAN:
IT WAS A DARK & STORMY NIGHT
2 MEN STOOD ON A BRIDGE
one MAN said to the Other
   HAVE A LAGER !!
IT WAS THE VOICE of BANANA-ANANDA
   the GREAT Beer YOGI HYMN-SELVES
Throwing my knees pon the PERSIAN DRUG er RUG
      I ENQUIRED BREATHLESSLY
What GREAT WISE DUMN HAVE YOU GOT
   FOR THESE   FOOLS EARS
      O my Kang Kang GURU?
         ----
        SILENCE
         ----
AT LENGTH HE ROSE AND GIVING ME
   THE SECRET SIGN
      THIS WAS HIS AMCIENT TRUTH:
         *
AN ARGENTINE GAUCHO NAMED BRUNO
ONCE SAID THERE IS SOMETHING I DO KNOW
   A WOMAN IS FINE
   A COW IS DIVINE
      BUT A
      LLAMA
       IS
   NUMERO UNO !!!